Rant: Lost

Thank God. It Ends.

Lost. As in get lost. I wish it would. I really do.

Running for the past six years now, this sixth season marks what is supposedly going to be the final season. We’ll see. There’s nothing more fanatical than a Lost watcher, as the Onion has amply demonstrated. This season marks another  opportunity for a long, overarching, nonsensical plot filled with enough loopholes and wacky hijincks to fill another three Bush Administrations (too soon?). I have never been impressed with Lost, nor understood all the rage for it. The fans will likely clobber you over the head for ever speaking ill of the poor thing, but I’ve yet to find one that can explain to me, in any manner of sensibility, WHY Lost = quality. When friends lost to its relentless onslaught describe it to me they make it sound more like an unhealthy addiction (ALA WORLD OF WARCRAFT) than a delectable morsel of television genius.

Questions, questions, questions, always with the questions and never with the answers! You must keep coming back for more, but what do you get from it? Polar Bears! In the Tropic! Random monsters of ultimate doom! And of course: romantic drama! Do any of these answer the questions or sew the plot together into a pretty little tapestry to soothe our bleeding eyes? NO!

Let it end. That’s all I ask. Let the season come and go with no change of plans, and let it go in such a way that the Lost fans are satisfied, lest the ruckus and the memory of Lost persist far longer than it ever need do. Put on more Millionaire or something in its place. At least there everything makes sense (even if everybody’s an idiot). Better yet: plot hook! Have Regis make an appearance in the Lost finale. Rides in on a helicopter. Saves everybody. Takes them all to the Millionaire set. And voila! Transition. We then get to spend weeks watching the shameless exploitation of the Lost cast in seeing just how well they stand up to all the other fabulous contestants. Show us those brains! Aww, good actors. Have a cookie.

P.S. The Polar Bear is not invited.

P.P.S. Wait, can the polar bear be a contestant? I like the potential…

End Rant.

~ by Chris G. on February 3, 2010.

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