Movie Review: Remember Me

“I don’t date sociology majors.”

“Lucky for me…I’m undecided.”

“About what?”

“Everything.”

Even before the credits roll, Remember Me is one movie you’ll be trying to forget.

(Avast, SPOILERS AHEAD!)

It is a movie made presently (in)famous due to its controversial ending, featuring Robert Pattinson, the World Trade Center, and the beginning rumblings of the tragedy known as 9/11. One reviewer, Boo Allen of the Denton Record Chronicle, even went so far as to call the ending “Unforgivable.”

Now, that might be taking it a bit far. Woe be it on me to judge another reviewer, but I don’t think we should ever sit here and call such things unforgivable. Eventually, we are going to have to accept 9/11 as fair game, much as anything else. Nearly a decade has come and gone since this disaster, and eventually, we’re going to have to come to terms with it, and usher it into the movie world as sure any other terrible part of our history. The longer we hide from it, the longer we deny truth.

That said, the controversy over the ending draws us away from what we need to be examining: the movie itself. And therein, what we find is a tragic, romantic piece of absolute garbage.

What is your first sign? It stars Robert Pattinson. The man is hugely popular at the moment among the tweens and their mothers, but the man can’t act. Period. As befits the Twilight star, his performance here is a sulking, shoddy, overly dramatic piece of Razzie glory. Rant all you like about his much-hyped shower scene, the man’s as hollow a human as he is a vampire. The only difference is this time he’s not sparkling.

The plot: Haunted pasts abound, with Pattinson at the forefront as Tyler, a rich and sullen New York City college student who can’t seem to cope with a family tragedy—resulting in much sulking and punching. But wait! A girl, Ally (Emilie de Ravin), also complete with a tragic past, suddenly appears in his life, and he proceeds to fall head over heels in love with her. Lots of annoying people act and react poorly and the world contrives to screw them all over.

I want this creature to go away.

Even the addition of actors Pierce Brosnan (who thankfully doesn’t sing this time) and Chris Cooper do little to add to the shine of this one. The script seems to be based around little more than arranging all those little moments where brooding, boring characters can whine and fix each other with their “you know you want me” looks. It is dry and dull, and packed with clichés—let alone engaging.

You’re meant to cry and to lust in equal measure, only to be shocked into more tears by the dramatic ending, but the movie forgot one thing: IT. IS. BORING!

Seize the Day seems to be the message they’re shooting for with this one, and I agree. Seize the Day. Carpe Diem, my friends. Go see anything but this useless waste of the big screen.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Stars

~ by Chris G. on March 18, 2010.

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