Movie Review: The Bounty Hunter

It hurts. Oh god, oh god it hurts.

Jennifer Aniston has never had “it” since the Friends series tumbled off the air and into memory. Herein we find that she has not only dropped a little further down—she has hit a crack in the floor, snapped and fallen right through, only to tumble headlong into a steaming pile of shit. Despite being paired with present Hollywood heavyweight Gerard Butler (the “Hunky Actor” in the Romantic comedy formula), this movie reeks, and no matter how much the actors, Columbia Pictures, or anyone remotely associated with this thing might scrub and scrub, they’re not going to get it off.

The plot’s simple. I even daresay it had potential. Gerard Butler is a cop turned bounty hunter who gets the job of his life: he gets to drag his ex-wife’s sorry ass to jail. Simple enough. A lot of room for comedy. Sadly, there isn’t a funny bone in this thing. I dread whoever wrote this thing, because I doubt they ever graduated the fifth grade.

Remember the divorcé’s dream the ads played this up to be? Butler-brand revenge on Aniston for a couple hours? Don’t hold your breath. Welcome to the magical world of clichés! Crotch punching? Check. Tough guy exterior with a loving heart inside, just longing for some more Aniston loving? Check. Oh dear. They even went for the “token black guy,” to offer them friendship and friendly advice. That’s…unfortunate. They even have the cougarized old mom, too. What’s worse is that they didn’t even do these clichés well. They are tired and rehashed and they just feel dated from the start.

The acting is terrible, which is understandable, because you would have to be a god to overcome the horrible script. The plot, the tropes, the comedy—it’s all dated, all rehashed, all a regurgitated mess of sloppy, smelly crud.

Now for the nit-picking. This thing sucks right down to the nitty-gritty details. Whoever was editing this apparently realized what he was working on, and recognizing he had much better things to do with his time (I.E. ANYTHING) proceeded to simply give up. The work is shoddy and many glaring details are overlooked in the sync-up. People going into lakes, only to emerge dry with working cells, for example.

If this movie makes a profit, ANY profit, it’s too much. I feel like any director, producer, etc. with half-a-brain-cell should have taken one look at this atrocity and known to give it a flush. But they didn’t. And do you know why? Because despite the damage you take to your mental capacity just from looking at this thing too long, they knew they could make that buck. They knew that Aniston and Butler and this whole dry concept of lovey-dovey-comedy would draw the people in.

Do not watch The Bounty Hunter. Do not even consider it. Go watch anything else. This is just a waste of your time and your money. In fact, Columbia studios should be paying you to watch it.

~ by Chris G. on April 12, 2010.

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