Pirates 4 starts casting; Universe weeps

If your eyes are still bleeding from the last installment of Pirates of the Caribbean, you may wish to run screaming now.

"They're making more? Reeeally?"

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides has officially begun casting. What’s more, they’ve already found their lead. British actor Sam Claflin is set to star as Philip, a youthful missionary, probably with a heart of gold. He’s supposed to be their new Bloom—no word on who the new Keira Knightley will be. Maybe they could go for a real twist and cast…Keira Knightley. Oh my!

But to give you a taste of what exactly they have in store for this one: the other big role they’ve already cast is a mermaid. Yes, a mermaid. Maybe she’ll be the love interest. Who knows? Furthermore: who cares?

Surmising on the plot? Mr. Goody-two-shoes missionary is minding his own business when wacky Jack ropes onto the scene. Silliness ensues, and the two set off on a crazy adventure, wherein Mr. Missionary learns what it really means to be a pirate. Cue love interest and increasingly gimmicky Disney characters and tada! You have two hours of Disney-brand crap.

This is a series that should have remained a one-hit wonder. Everything since keeps lowering the bar on awful—so I can only imagine what this one’ll do in that department.

Prediction: 1 out of 5 stars

~ by Chris G. on April 23, 2010.

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